I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize