dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
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I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
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Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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