I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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