I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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