i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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