Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize