I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
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i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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