I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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