cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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