If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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