Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize