He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My bed smells like the plague
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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