I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize