where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
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Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
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He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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