There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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