I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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