My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
pray to the hookup gods
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize