I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize