sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize