he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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