You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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