we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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