Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize