This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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