You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize