Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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