so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize