I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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