how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
God, I missed his penis.
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