So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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