he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize