I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize