I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
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Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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