allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize