How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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