i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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