I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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