it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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