so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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