I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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