i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize