LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize