I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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