STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize