Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
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I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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