dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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