we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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