soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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