she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
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My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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