There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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